2004-07-02 - 3:41 p.m.
well we finally have internet in my home. maybe i will become friends again with my diary.
so much has happened since i wrote in this regularly that would be insane to feel in the blanks.so i will not start where i left off.
i got off work early today. therefore i have been drinking rum. for the first time in forever i sat down to do something creative. i got out the old magazines, the modge podge, the rubber cement, the tissue paper, old photos,letters, oil pastels and made some art. i like what i made. it's a journal for someone who gave me a painting a long time ago and i have been wanting to give something in return. so i like what i made. though i'm not sure that it "means" anything. i kinda wish it did. it feels good to get creative. i have been thinking about doing some art a lot. i miss my days of making things and mailing them to people i love that are far away. i only send checks to the phone company anymore. i miss that a lot about being single. i used to find more to do with myself.
and now i snuggle. i love to snuggle. and i make elaborate food 2-3 nights a week. and then with a full belly, i snuggle. i forget how nice it is to to make myself smile in other ways. it is nice when i remember.
i saw 911 the other day. it was good. unfortunately what it made me realize is that i get overwhelmed with the emotions that war both in our country and abroad create in me. all i can do is cry. i can't get beyond it.i cry when things are out of my control..rendering me helpless and defeated. i was at my brother's two weekends ago i was outside talking with him and my dad. my dad who will vote for bush,my brother is more conservative every time we talk. they were talking about michael moore. they both hate him. i didn't say much. then i brought up roger and me...my father and him were arguing that corporations have no obligations to the communities they reside in. i fervently disagreed. and wondered when money become more important then people in my family, a family built on unconditional love and strong loyalty. right when i felt something intelligent and cunning coming out of my mouth my voice began to quiver and the tears came in strong. and they both look at me like i had lost it. and i had. i lost the ability to stand up for what i believe in.
afterwards my dad came to me and said "you know what i admire most about you? you have such a big heart." i adore my dad sooo much...i was so insulted. why doesn't his heart extend outside his family and friends?
