2003-10-03 - 9:56 p.m.
things have again settled a bit. at least for now. i am off to see the boy on sunday in a city about four hours north of here. we got a hotel room and a mission. the mission? to make up my damn mind, to decide on my level of commitment.
i am really excited to see him. away from everyone and have a anonymous weekend and hopefully rediscover how much i love a boy that loves me so well.
i just got back from seeing lost in translation. i took my dad, i even bought the tickets. i liked it. he did not. i knew he probably wouldn't but i didn't say anything cuz i really wanted to see it. so i crossed my fingers and took him anyway. and then he bought me a smoothie for dinner on the way home.
i wish i still smoked. it has been over a month since "i quit" or rather since i became a social smoker. in the last few days is the first time that i have been craving a smoke while alone and not drinking. i am tempted to secretly go to the store and get a pack. but i just want one. "they" should sell cigaretts that way.
or maybe i will just tear my room apart for a not so empty pack from months ago. that's a brillant idea.
