2003-09-30 - 1:18 p.m.
i have tried to call him. i need to apologize and say some things. he did not return my calls.
i went out today during lunch and decided to see he would answer. he did. he sounded broken. .
we talked for a few minutes. though i was caught off guard, i thought for sure he wouldn't answer. i was counting on leaving a message. i told him that i was sorry. and that i said things i didn't think about and things that i don't mean. he just said "oh...ok, well we need some real time to talk." we made a phone date at 3.30...right after i get home. i said i love you...he said i love you too. i went into the deli.
and tears sat in my eyes while i waited for my sandwich.
i need to decide what i feel because i am hurting that boy over and over again.but then again something in his voice told me he has decided for me...and maybe he is ready to walk away.
why is it that everytime i feel him going away i forget how to breathe?
