2003-09-03 - 7:46 p.m.
things aren't so good. i have been avoiding some very important things and obsessing over stupid ones. there are a lot of things pissing me off.let me list them for you.
1. my real boss hates me. he is trying desperatly to find something wrong with me, therefore i have to work extra hard to not let there be anything wrong with me or the work that i do.
2. my dad's awful girlfriend. her name is candy and she is a flight attendant. she wants to be my best friend rteally bad....and not because she likes me all that much...but because she thinks my dad would think that was great. she doesn't stop talking and she is invading my space. at least dad isn't in love so my feelings about her are not secret and i don't feel bad about them.
3.i need to say some very important things outloud concerning my relationship. things are rocky. i don't know what we are doing...i have sat with my best friend twice this week talking in depth about this shit. and when what i really want to say, the things i really have been thinking start to come out of my month. i can't do it. i therefore have ended up crying in a very public places twice this week. i am so fucked up by it that i can't even type what really is up.there is a very large cork in my mouth.
4. there have been a lot people in my house all week and they will continue to be there thourgh the weekend. i usually love this...not this time. i want some quiet. i need my own place ASAP.
5.i have a zit on my elbow...how wack is that?
6. i haven't had a smoke in three days. i guess i am quiting. i hate not smoking.i am not sure why i am...i don't think it has anything to do with lung cancer. maybe i am just trying to have control over something.
grrr...i am a hater.
