2003-07-20 - 10:56 p.m.
ok...don't worry i think i have found firmer ground.
i got over blowing off talking to alex. and because i did i was reminded how wonderful and calm he is when i am freaking out. and though during half of the conversation i felt as though we were breaking up we are better again. and to be honest i don't know how it's gonna all work out (and i hate it sometimes that he feels much more sure about us than i do) i feel good about him/us and i was reminded of why i love him the way i do.
i spent the rest of the night last night drinking beers with max. and somehow he made my life even better by telling me what to do. he knows me so well and therefore his input and advice mean so much. after crying for a while i began to laugh again and gain perspective... i love best friends. we stayed up till 4am until the beer was all gone.
we then proceded to spend all of today together. woke up at 9 to meet his dad and sister for the tradional sunday breakfast. went grocrey shopping (if i haven't mentioned it yet, he is living at my house) for a oh-so-yummy meal at the health food store. came home took a nap. made dinner together with many drinks and then played a bit of cribbage before he left for the night. i loved it. today was a perfect day. in between all that i spoke with alex. and one of the great things about us is... we will have a emotionally draining (aka fight) conversation at night...and the next day we always plan to talk the next day with the understanding that we will talk about something else, something light, something good. and then we do. and therefore we are immediatly refreshed and reminded of the things we do agree on and what makes us...us.
i do love that boy.
tomorrow i will hang out with a girl who should have been a new friend a long time again...but now she is moving in just a few weeks... we waited too long.
later this week i have a date to the sex shop with my honorary little sister to buy well...sex stuff.
i feel better.
the air is beginning to clear.
i am not me when i am not laughing.
goodnight.
.mary...
