2003-06-30 - 7:33 p.m.
alex came and went. he left today. and now i am moopng around the house gettig teary eyed over the silliest shit. we had a great time together minus a stupid argument over a stupid comment made while he was very drunk. we spent much time curled up together in bed and eating and drinking. it was wonderful. i hate it wen he leaves.
i can't help but wonder what we would be if we could share our normal lives together again. and i wanna know. for the last six months i see him for short periods of time without being able to share our lives together. we live like rockstars during those few blissful days and that is great but it's not real and and it's not who we really are and i miss that part about him. i miss coming home from a bad day with the ablility to see him. i miss the probablity that i will run into him on the street unexpectedly. i miss going grocrey shopping, running errands.
long distance love is draining and it makes our relationship resemble a manic depressive. we go from missing each other and heartache to lovesick blissfulness in the amount of time it takes to get on a plane.
i hate it when he leaves. i hate mooping .
max will be here in less than two weeks. and then he is going to move in the room across the hall from mine. i love best friends and i can't wait till he gets here cuz this town and me in this town is much better with him in it. he'll keep me on my toes and my belly aching from giggles and cheeks hurting from smiles.
camp started on friday. all the kids that i feel in love with are running around the woods of NY starting fights and fearing the unknown, the unknown being raccons. its wierd not being there this summer. it's crazy to think someone else is getting very little sleep in "my" cabin.
i need to satrt woorking seriously on my essay for grad school. it is the only thing on my to do list and i can't seem to do it. it's so hard to get around to things like papers when you are not in college. i think i may be a little scared of it all. but grad school is my only option right now that i am excited about and it is where i need to be. i got a personalized letter from the coordinator of the program i want to go into at evergreen today. that got me a little more excited and hopeful. so i know that i just need to get off my lazy ass and just do it. maybe later.i think there may be a really bad movie on.
.mary...
