2002-06-06 - 11:51 p.m.
so...i left durango and i left a boy i never thought i would begin to need or did i ever think that that leaving him would rip something out of me. nor did i think i could whisper the words i love you in his ear and mean them...
boy, was i wrong.
and right now i don't feel so much like i left durango but more that i just left him...right now he is my memory of durango.
and what makes it hurt the most is that i think that i will never see him again... at least not in the way that we know each other now...
the drive home yesturday was painful... everytime i realized i was getting further and futher away i was crushed all over again...then getting home and crawling in an empty bed and waking up without his newborn kitten morning face smiling back at me was harder than i thought it would ever be.
this feeling wasn't planned. i didn't think i would love him.and i didn't think he would love me back...
it's all very confusing... the kind of love that is being felt...wondering what is going to happen and wanting to keep it open...feeling it is over...wanting him to come here next weekend.
fortunatly i have my best friend here at home.someone to comfort me with the ability to make me forget for awhile.and an exciting trip on the horizon...
