2002-05-09 - 3:22 p.m.
i am writing in this less and less. it seems that during this time i have more to write about than i ever have in this thing. and now that i have soo much to say, it's like pulling my toenails out one by one to get me to sit and write about it all...
maybe the weather is just too nice to sit here in the computer lab and rehash my dramatic life to a few loved ones and a bunch of strangers...
or
maybe i don't feel like writing the book that is my life right now...
or
maybe i don't really want to find out through the writting process what i really feel about what's going on...
or
maybe it's all of the above.
things are going well. i leave this town, this life in less than a month. everything is passing with an increasing speed and that makes me feel a little out of control and implusive.this feeling reminds me of my last few weeks in galway...
i see alex more and more all the time. and for the most part it feels really good...and the times when it doesn't feel so good i leave and i don't have to talk to him for a couple of days.and it's wierd that i feel aprehensive about leaving him in a little over three weeks. it might not be as easy as i thought it would be. as i wanted it to be.
everytime i see him we become more and more like a real couple...like the thing we didn't want to become.we are not adhering to the plan. i really have no idea what the plan was, but i know it wasn't this. but i know the reason we didn't want to become this is because the attachment would thicken...and the entire time we have both clearly have seen the finishing line.
anyhoo...i have spent the last two weeks making out and making art and drinking...art that i like. making out that i like...the drinking could stop and not be missed. but that equation makes for good times. this will be missed.
