2001-11-25 - 7:09 p.m.
i got home today and the town was filled with snow. i didn't really recognise it and i don't think i want to.i am so done with it here.
went to washington.
it was weird.
and completely unproductive.
and he can do such a shitty job of not letting me know when it's ok to be around. and then i just get paranoid and feel abnoxious
and i don't know how to tell him these things.
things like...i feel that if i went away from this friendship it would cease to exsist.and not because he doesn't care. but because that's the way he is and that scares me.
i dunno...this trip was nearly completely vacant of time with him. i had one conversation with him of any sort of substance...and maybe that's why i feel sooo....i don't know...absent maybe. unsettled... not needed...in the way.
and i demand things out of him that he is not willing or capable (i'm not sure which) to give...
fuck me...i don't know. i thought i was beginning to get my gross feelings in order...but writting this is just reminded me that i have no fucking idea what he means to me...i to him...and why i have stuck around to this for so fucking long...
