2001-11-14 - 1:17 p.m.
what a strange thing this diaryland...but somehow in just a few short days i found myself caught up in all this jazz.
i'm going to seattle on saturday to have thanksgiving with max, little sister and thier family. kinda weird but starngly comfortable. and now it looks as if alfonso, max's friend from spain will also be around. i heard this not from max but nancy...not that he's a problem...it's just...it's just
it's just that i am flying there to spend time with him and snancy...two people who i love dearly and painfully miss. and i want to be selfish about this. and i can't. and to be honest, it almost makes me think that he doesn't want me there.and sometimes, he make me think he doesn't want me there.
it makes the whole trip seem a little less exciting and a lot more annoying.
i been having crazy fucked up dreams lately.
last night's had something to so with making friend with a bear while i was falling asleep...a big house filled with people i love but in reality i do not know.
the night before starred a few of my closest friends each blended with someone i don't like.it was sorta terrifying...
and maybe i do feel disconnected with the ones i love right now... max being one of those. and well, everyone else i suppose. and the people i live with keep revealing some spooky new side i didn't see before. and sometimes i feel that i have lost sadye again. and allie...no one really wants to hear it right now.
eva is still here...not here but with me. but she is on the other side of the country.
and i am not sure what is creating this feeling of distance...and i don't know how to fix it.
